wanna go halves on a baby?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
