I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
