Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
