TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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