A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Randomize
