you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have tasted many bathrooms
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
