What a fucking waste of an outfit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
