i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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