Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
