Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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