im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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