ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
