When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
