Can i not drive my cunt home
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
