I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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