My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
