Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
