I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
