I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
