Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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