the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
