well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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