i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
