Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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