i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
