Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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