she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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