i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
