everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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