Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She bit a glass in half.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
