You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
