don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
