Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
