Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
