btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
