i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
