Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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