peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
