..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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