So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
