According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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