I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
