your parents love me but you hate me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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