i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
