Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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