And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Alive.
So much puke
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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