Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
