i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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