New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
