Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
