Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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