Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
