if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
